Thin Red Rock Line

Sountrack
Remix of  Red Hot Chili Peppers - Road Trippin'

Every state is different in the Southwest. From Texas to California, as soon as you cross the border it is like entering a different way of looking at life. I did not expect this, because the Midwest is a series of crop farms, flatlands, sometimes a deciduous forest.

After leaving Dallas I really enjoyed the fields with large tufts of green grass, and cows grazing on them in clustered formations.  When we entered New Mexico there was a gradual buildup to the red rocked hills, slowly with hills and equally spaced apart bushes then giving way to the sparse tree here and again. The occasional towns we came across had a little more creative flair, mostly being artistic interpretations of Southwestern Chicano culture or something regarding the Native Americans way of life.

Once we really started enjoying the New Mexican landscape, the billboards abruptly and startlingly began. Amber and I were on the phone in our separate cars at the time, then we saw about five billboards in a row advertising the same rest stop area which was coming up soon.  The first one was about ice cream, the next was about Native American jewelry, then hand made blankets or ponchos, etc.

It's worth mentioning that Amber and I are both susceptible to marketing, but we have different preferences. I did not care about these New Mexican kitsch things at all, and once they got to the 20th or 30th (not exaggerating) billboard in a row, I was actually a little offended.  Amber on the other hand, said over the phone, "I think we need to stop at this place!"

I said, "No, I won't be tricked into buying crap just because they use excessive advertising."

We were both exhausted. Our defenses were low.

"It's starting to work on me!" she told me. "I need to buy gifts and postcards for people. Let's just pull over."

I knew they completely got her when she said, "That billboard says they have 'cool things,' I need to know what the cool things are."

About twenty minutes later, Brutus and I were laying in the one spot of grass we could find in the large parking lot. He sat under the one tree he could find, and I near him, staring at a clear blue sky past the branches while eating a $3.50 grilled cheese (because a lot of restaurants don't know what to charge me when I ask for items without meat).

At some point I called Amber again to see how things were going in the store, and she was very excited about the stuffed bear they had, and the stuffed buffalo, and the many sarapes they had. We agreed she could take as much time as she wanted and I stared again at the sky through my sunglasses, cars driving past my little grass island wondering where the strange bearded man and his rabbit came from.  I looked over at Brutus who was glued to the tree and eating some kind of prolific plant I never saw before.  I hoped he wasn't poisoning himself, but I didn't want to stop him from the little enjoyment he had. Instead, I felt the logical thing to do was eat some of the plant as well; better we both die together.  This is what made sense to me in the heat. I concluded it actually tasted pretty good and reached for some more. Eventually Amber came to collect us and we continued.

Arizona

All of this stuff is just my observation.  From a highway trip, no less. Every state has myriad places to enjoy and different culture. Who am I to judge any experience of an entire state from my brief time there? That being said, when we first entered Arizona I was completely let down. I made a fool of myself later in my immediate judgement, but when we crossed the border from New Mexico to Arizona it wend from red rocked cliffs to flat dead grass and pebbly roads.

Remember Spike, Snoopy's cousin from Peanuts? I know he lived in the California desert, but the cactus landscape looked exactly like the Arizona licence plates, so that's what I expected. This is paper thin logic, I know, but what can I say.

We got to Flagstaff and stayed the night there. At the time it felt like a small town with a mountain looming overhead, which was kind of interesting in a way. I mentioned on facebook that I was a little disappointing with Arizona, and a few friends including the far better traveled than I, Brandis, explained to me about Flagstaff being quite popular for the mountains and the forests.  She also told that there is much more to Arizona (like Sedona) to be seen and enjoyed.

I suspected I was going to learn not to judge so quickly, and I was. The next day's drive was amazing! The area around Flagstaff (on the Western side of it anyway) was very pretty with the mountains and the many evergreen forests. Originally we were going to go the Grand Canyon too, but we decided with a bunny patiently riding shotgun and our time schedule, we should come back when we could actually appreciate it.

The rest of Arizona had winding red stone mountains, very impressive and festive towns, and we saw many cactus covered hills. At one point the view became so amazing that Amber and I both pulled over at the same time, because we both had the idea to take pictures. That was fun.

As we crossed the desert before entering California I thought about how terrible it would be to break down there. It was so hot! There was a beauty to it, but I also felt like many people may have died of thirst crawling through this desert at some point. Occasionally there would be an abandoned building for no reason, or a hollowed out auto body shop just left there with no one caring enough to even bulldoze it to the ground.  Just the shells were left. It was kind of fascinating.

Then we crossed into California, which was actually quite surreal, but I'll post about that next time.  For now, the lesson of the day is don't think you know everything about a place at first glance, you'll just look stupid... except for Arizona, which I will forever refer to as a either the disappointing East Arizona or majestic West Arizona. The other lesson is that I never learn lessons.

Philemon

Soundtrack:

Avicii - Hey Brother

“What’s that?” said Phil.

“That’s my blog.  I let people know what I’m up to, and it’s easier than calling everyone,” I said.

“You’re not going to write about me, are you?”

“Probably.  I’m visiting you on my travels, so I’ll write about it,” I said.

“The only way I’ll agree to that is if you make it exciting.  You’ve got to have ninjas and robots.  Put some ODST’s in there too.”

“What’s an ODST?  I don’t know what that is.”

Phil explained, “An ODST, or Orbital Drop Shock Trooper, is an armored soldier dropped in from the sky. Those things are badass. They don’t have them yet in the military; that’s why I didn’t sign up for another tour of duty.”

I paused and stared at him a moment, just to let it sink in.  “Okay, Phil.  I can do that for you.”

Phil and I have known each other since shortly after I was born.  Our mothers put us together, in a very Catholic environment.  We both laugh about our upbringing still to this day.  Phil and my relationship has reinvented itself so many times I’ve lost count.  We’ve been best friends, estranged rivals, acquaintances - we’ve drifted apart and come back so many times.

At this stage it feels like we are old men, and our dreams did not pan out as we thought they would, but we’ve both come to happy terms with that.  We are just content to know each other. Before anyone has a chance to respond to that, saying we are both still young or we don’t know what old is, let me frame that properly for you.  When we were five we both wanted to be superheroes, and thought it was a very plausible thing to accomplish.  We’ve grown and changed our scope since then.

Phil became a soldier in the U.S. Army and served in Afghanistan.  I’ve been working for a spiritual non-profit for 4 years and am working to become a monk.  Some might say we haven’t really grown up that much.  Only he now lives near Dallas, TX and I am moving near San Diego, CA.  The similarities are there as well as the dichotomies.

Which brings us back to Phil requesting robots and ninjas in his story’s retelling.  Who talks like that? Me. I do. I’m the only one I know though, and maybe the people I’ve influenced enough.  It’s like he’s a figment of my imagination. Gasp! Or I’m his!

Here’s what it is.  Sometimes you have friends that really impact you.  They rub off on you so much, and you onto them, that it never goes away.  Even when you keep changing afterward your trajectory is forever affected by that influence.  I have known a lot of people like that, and I still do.  I am grateful for all of them, even the ones where the relationship didn’t end how I wanted it to.

Quick story on driving into Texas.  I called Phil after entering and finding out it would be 300 miles still until I got to his doorway.  He was surprised.  He asked me what highway I was on.  I told him I forgot at the moment as I’d been driving all day and just doing what my GPS told me at that point.  I did offer that as soon as I crossed the state line the highway doubled in size, yet there were vast malls with expensive storefronts and many steakhouses on all sides covering the horizon.  Every highway overpass had the Lone Star seal or the outline of Texas etched into it many times as a gaudy display, reminding visitors where they were and the wealth that it involved.

Phil listened to my description and said, “You just described every single highway entrance into Texas.”

Then an army of robots vs an army of ninjas made war upon the highway.  I would have swerved to avoid them, but luckily, some ODST’s landed and held them back until I could safely make it by.

Brutus and the (Not Really) Giving Tree

The Chronicles of Brutus also continue.  He is getting more adept at road life.  He is almost a full-blooded gypsy by now, in fact.

We did have one hiccup at a gas station on our way out of Texas though.  We let him play in a grassy area, as we do at these rare moments of rest, and he fell in love with a tree.

It was technically in some person’s yard, next to the gas station, so it really wasn’t meant to be no matter how you look at it.  But he hopped straight to the tree and smelled it, he stood there and peed on it a few times, and just held his ground.  Never moving from it’s side, whispering sweet nothings to it while smelling the breeze of this new area.  By the way, everytime we get to a new area or state and let him out, he spends a good five minutes just sticking his nose in the air with his eyes closed, and he smells everything he can as thoroughly as he can.

This time he did all this, glued securely to his tree.  Finally we pried him away.  But just so you don't feel to bad for him, he fell in love with a new tree in New Mexico, but that’s for next time.

Liftoff!

Soundtrack:
David Bowie - Space Oddity

On Friday the 13th, the day after my birthday, I jumped out of a plane along with 3 of my friends from work. It is something we had been planning for over a year, and we decided it was necessary to do before my roadtrip out of the state.  I look forward to posting the pictures later, but I mention it now because my thoughts keep going back to that moment while I'm driving across country with Amber and our rabbit, Brutus.

I feel like I am very much in freefall.  I'm optimistic, though.  Skydiving taught me that much, I guess - when there's too much to process all happening at once, but also great beauty in front of you, appreciate the beauty and still focus on what you are doing.

There are many people to visit! We are making our way to Dallas, TX to visit my childhood friend, Phil.  On the way we've stopped by Paducah, KY to chat with a fellow Theosophist named Jeanette who was kind enough to put us up for the night.  It brings back memories of visiting my Grandma.  She has fed us so much, she tells us stories of what it's like being a Great Depression baby, she tells us stories about how her father and grandfather built the house we are staying, and she keeps telling us how much of a gift it is to have us visit her.  I have looked through so many photo albums of pictures before I was born.

We talked about Theosophy and the Theosophical Society.  We've all told our stories of how we came to study Theosophy in the first place, which is always a fascinating story no matter who you ask.  Her story involves growing up between a Lutheran father and a Church of Christ mother who never quite resolved their theological differences.  She was searching, and found books on Theosophy through a friend.

She showed us many pictures of her with former TS president Betty Bland at the Still Light center, a Theosophical camp in South Carolina that has since closed down.  It was a camp that meant a lot to many people, as I have heard about it often.  I am very grateful to Jeanette and people like her, because I love being around people who can talk about Theosophy and their experiences with it.

The chronicles of Brutus also continue on the road.  He has been unsure of what we are up to ever since we started moving all our furniture out of the apartment in Wheaton.  Everytime I look back at him in the car backseat he stares at me as if I am a stranger to him.  Although, when we do stop for gas breaks in the countryside he brightens up and hops around cheerfully.  We will see how takes five days in the car.

As a final note, I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me, everyone who has helped me pack, everyone who has had a party or said goodbye to me, and everyone who has encouraged me to follow my intuition.  I feel like I'm not losing a family, just broadening it across the country.  And I know I will do good work when I land in San Diego, because I feel the strength of others pushing me forward.

The day before leaving I received an email from a person I respect, though don't have a lot of interaction with.  He said: "James, I have thought about you off and on this month. I hope all your plans are falling into place. God's peace to you and your wife. I have very fond thoughts of you and your mission. Hope to run into you again."

That stuff makes my day.

Follow the White Rabbit

Soundtrack:
Florence + The Machine - Rabbit Heart
Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit

A sense of humor is vital to any spiritual life and spiritual practice.  I take it very seriously that I never take myself too seriously.  On top of that is being able to see yourself from the birds eye perspective - if you are suddenly the straight man to the universe’s joke, laugh along with it.

Life is genuinely funny.

That being said, there was a persistent idea that kept cropping up in my head since my last blog post. You remember the wonderful place we are going to live?  Yes, our future residence is all confirmed and they are wonderful people.  They will even show me how to garden inside of old refrigerators, which isn’t something that I’ve always known that I wanted to do until I heard of it.  Now that I know it exists, I realize that I was always meant to grow plants inside old refrigerators, and this planting straight into the ground business has been misguided from the get go.

I also remember that the guy I talked to told us of the lady who went crazy mad about the very idea of bulls being slaughtered for beef to the degree that she wanted to buy all the bulls (all the bulls!).  I get it though.  It is hard to look into those soft cow eyes every day and then suddenly we have to treat them like they are not alive.  They are just product.  It’s screwed up, but I’ve seen a lot of animal blood being a cook.  And flipping out about it just makes you the person no one is going to listen to anymore.

I was thinking to myself, what animals do they raise on the farm again? Cows, yeah they’ve got cows. Horses, people like horses. Llamas, which produce wool and eat dried grass. Goats also eat grass, and produce milk. I was thinking this through, and it is all logical farm stuff to have these animals. Chickens lay eggs, which is where omelettes come from. Cool. Rabbits. Why do they raise rabbits? It’s exciting though, because I like rabbits. I have a pet rabbit, we have had pet rabbits for years. Why does a farm want to raise rabbits?

I asked the question out loud in front of some our close friends, Alan and Brandis, at a time when Amber was not around.  My friends then looked at me in such as way that you look at a child as they try and piece together that the tooth fairy is a logical absurdity.  With pity!  My friends looked at me with love, and pity, when I asked why a farm would have rabbits.  I said, “What do they raise rabbits for on a farm? I never found that out!”  But to them I was a five year old kid saying, “Where does the tooth fairy even get U.S. currency?  And what does she do with the teeth? Why do Irish nature deva’s even care about human dental hygiene?” (which is a plausible phrase for a 5 year old to say)

They told me it was possibly a farm that vendors directly to restaurants for rabbit meat.  We looked up terms like rarebit and hasenpfeffer. Then we saw pictures, on Alan’s smartphone, of the typical rabbit breeds that are used for meat. Adorable! So adorable!

Then it dawned on me quite lucidly.  My wife is the crazy cow lady!  Not yet, but soon!  Amber is going to flip, then try to buy all the rabbits.

Let me paint the picture a little more clearly.  When we got our first pet rabbit, Brutus, I had an ulterior motive. I got tired of the amount of stuffed animals she owned, and seemed attached to. I was even confused, you see, because they weren't alive, and I did not like the idea of treating them as if they weren't just things. I got a pet, because it was about the same size as a stuffed animal, only alive. This put logical rightness to my world.

When I first put Brutus in Amber’s arms she thought he was cute and cuddly. She petted him, and he was very soft. Then he looked up and she looked into his eyes and… well, it wasn’t like that scene in Raising Arizona, but it was so close!  She scrunched up her face and said, “I love him!” but almost in an urgent way, like this was so unexpected for her how intense she felt!

Do you remember Raising Arizona? Watch this and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, so I honestly don’t know what the rabbits are for at the farm, because I was focused on the task at hand of getting a place to live.  Now that task is over, and we are moving there; at this moment the situation is surreal but very beautiful.  And funny!  I am looking down upon myself from the bird’s eye, likely the mischievous crow himself, and I see me playing the straight man to the universe.

We could get there and find out it is a bunny sanctuary, or maybe they are for pets. I don’t know.  But here we are, and I’m not going to say anything to Amber, because I have been married for 6 years and I am smarter than that.  One thing at a time.  But it’s there!  And it’s hilarious! It is coming!

I also have faith that everything will be fine, because everything is fine.  It just is.  Let us continue to another topic.

Last Days of Work

I’m done with my job!  I know right?  You didn’t know that was possible.  Jobs are not like school semesters, as in you don’t matriculate from them.  But I did!

Because I’m moving to San Diego, and … the thing.  What this blog is all about.  In a more realistic perspective, I’m choosing to do a lot of what I do now for free and in another state.  This can be viewed as very inspirational to some of the people involved in Theosophy and the Theosophical Society - and some of these people have even said so directly to me.  It’s a nice feeling.

On the other hand, I still need to eat and sleep somewhere.  So we aren't thinking about that right now, because it is not yet time for that.  That’s a matter of intuition and trust.  For me that literally means when I localize my attention in that portion in the back part of my brain that tells me everything I need to do, it responds in a non-verbal way “Everything is fine! Don’t stress, this next part is really important so be absolutely present on what is happening in this moment.”

And I respond, “I don’t know if I know how to do that.”

And it responds, “You’re doing it now.  Just notice that you’re doing it now, and you’ll be doing it a lot better!”

One of the nice things at the Theosophical Society that happened in my last days is that there was a staff meeting and the whole room of employees acknowledged I was leaving and that I will be missed.  There are people there who I may be closer to than others, but it is like a family.  I told them as much during the meeting.  I said even though I am changing physical location, I am not going anywhere.  I’m sure it sounds corny to some people who think of this whole spiritual thing as just a job, and they might not even know why I’m doing what I’m doing.  But when I think of the Theosophical Society, and even every individual who is involved, and I honestly get this really warm feeling in my chest.  It’s like a fire inside.  And when I dwell on it, I know I’m capable of anything that needs to get done.  I just don’t know yet what needs to get done. But that comes later.

President Tim Boyd

Tim Boyd, the National President of the TSA (ergo my old boss), and now International President of the Theosophical Society in Adyar, wanted to have a one on one with me in his office as soon as he got back from India.  In our meeting, he said some very nice things.  He said that I am one of those people who does not try to take the spotlight, yet the evidence of the work I do is apparent.  I do not always take credit for it, but every project or aspect of the work I've touched gets done successfully because of my efforts.  When I am on the job, the situation is handled well and no one needs to worry about it.

I’m writing it down in part because I don’t want to forget it.  For a Theosophist, he basically described what I’d like to be as an ideal.  He has that ability, to show you the best part of yourself to inspire you further.  That’s why he has so many titles and people following him, I imagine.

As formal as Tim and my relationship often is, we have gotten to know each other quite well, which is why I appreciated what he had to say.  About a year and a half ago I became a part of a Partnership Program in the Krotona school of Theosophy.  It is like an apprenticeship, and I was paired up with Tim Boyd and Pablo Sender.  One day I will take the time to gush about Pablo, as he is someone I look up to and consider a close friend, but later.

The project I conceived of doing with Tim involved doing some writing piece about his teacher, Bill Lawrence, or as Bill’s students always called him: The Old Man.  I once heard Tim give a lecture about the Old Man, and I was floored with what I could tell was only tip of the iceberg regarding Tim’s life with his teacher.  It is one of those things where, during the lecture, you look around and realize you are the weird one because you are way too excited about the subject at hand.  Everyone was interested mind you, I don’t want to give the impression that they weren't, but probably not as much as I was. (Or maybe they were just better at being less transparent with their emotions, now that I think of it.)

I talked with Tim a little about Bill after the lecture, but nothing came out of it at the time. Then later I was given this Partnership opportunity, so I thought I’d do something about the lack of Bill Lawrence material in the Theosophical archives. Tim’s brain became a sponge full of stories for me to squeeze.

It didn't take much effort.  With Tim, once you get him talking about a topic he enjoys, just try stopping him.  One interview kept getting extended, and I ended up with six interviews about an hour each.  So, six hours of material.

I would find out from his office assistants that he would be in this Bill Lawrence daze the rest of the day after our interviews.  He would be cheerful, and thinking, then he would tell them to stop working and listen to some stories.  The Chief of Staff came by to talk about something important, and Tim would just say, “Sit down. That can wait. Listen up and you might learn something.”

Even though I have six hours (which translates to about a hundred pages) when I mention to Tim that we might want to fill in some of the gaps with more interview material, his face lights up.  He says, “Okay. If we must, we must.”

I did write an article from some of the material as I planned.  It is here.  And currently, I am working on making it all into a book.  It is a wonderful story, but it is all Tim’s intellectual property as far as I’m concerned.  I will finish it, hand it to him, and hope he does something with it.

So yeah, from a man who has known some great people, and is considered highly valued himself, it is nice to be thanked and encouraged.  I think a Bill Lawrence quote or two is entirely in order.  From the mouth of the Old Man himself:

“In the twinkling of an eye, make your selection and change your life’s direction, in the twinkling of an eye.”

“It’s a good life, if you just don’t weaken.”

“I know I am a spark from that eternal flame.
I know I am a grain of sand on this beach of life.
That I am related to a blade of grass,
Correlated to a leaf on a tree,
I am a part of the Universal All.
What can be denied me?”